Decolonize Awareness
I know we all been in a space of cognitive dissonance before when we really want a thing, but cannot bring ourselves to do the thing we want. I experienced a state of deep depression, moving slow, unmotivated for self-care, spending all morning and afternoons in bed, eating junk, not drinking water, and some days doom scrolling or not bathing for days. I spent months trying to come out of this deep state of shut-down and was met with the spirit animal of the sloth. While trying to come out of this place I would be hard on myself calling myself lazy or a procrastinator or allowing others to shame me for being a “procrastinator”. I wanted to force myself out of this place and realized I couldn’t. I had to learn what it is that needed to be learned here.
In an Ayahuasca ceremony, I received my answers. What I was feeling was not mine. It was ancestral and I had unconsciously believed that I felt obligated to carry this pain and become it. The pain of my foremothers who became shells of women through abuse and neglect. The pain of my forefathers who were taught to survive and mask their mental illness. I had to recognize that although I understood pain to be a gift. This was a gift I chose to no longer carry. I needed to learn how to hold the pain, feel the pain, and ultimately let it go. And the lesson of the sloth: to move intentionally, reserve my energy and not overextend myself. I needed to learn to find the medicine in deep rest and recovery. We should never tire ourselves out to the state of being burnt out. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you delay tasks, either at home or in the workplace. But do you deserve self-criticism—or is your procrastination pointing to something more serious?
Clinical experts define procrastination as a self-defeating behavior pattern marked by short-term benefits and long-term costs. The news breaker is that laziness does not exist and procrastination is actually an emotional regulation strategy. You essentially are in a space of managing your own emotions from an unconscious space of awareness.
From a decolonial perspective, the root of procrastination can be traced back to historical and systemic factors that have shaped individuals' relationships with time, productivity, and self-worth. Decolonial theory challenges traditional Western paradigms that have influenced how individuals perceive and navigate the world. Here are some key factors that may contribute to procrastination from a decolonial perspective:
1.Historical trauma, cultural erasure, and the imposition of Western values and structures have influenced how individuals perceive time, productivity, and success.
2. Procrastination may stem from internalized beliefs of inferiority, self-doubt, or learned helplessness that have been perpetuated by colonialism and systems of oppression.
3. Time as a Colonial Construct: Western concepts of time, efficiency, and productivity may not align with Indigenous or non-Western understandings of time and cycles. The pressure to adhere to strict schedules, deadlines, and expectations can contribute to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, and resistance, leading to procrastination as a form of resistance or coping mechanism.
4. Cultural Disconnection: The disconnection from cultural traditions, ancestral knowledge, and spiritual practices due to colonization can impact individuals' sense of identity, purpose, and motivation. Procrastination may be a manifestation of this disconnection and a search for meaning and belonging. It can even be a way to prompt ourselves and ask how much do really want the thing we are striving to accomplish.
5. Healing and Reclamation: Decolonial perspectives emphasize the importance of healing, decolonization, and reclaiming Indigenous ways of knowing and being. Addressing the roots of procrastination from a decolonial lens may involve reconnecting with cultural practices, community support, and holistic approaches to well-being that honor diverse ways of experiencing time and productivity.
I vowed to never make judgments on others who I perceive as lazy or unwilling to make changes. And definitely never allow others to project their judgments on me when they don’t walk in the same shoes I do. We all live uniquely different human experiences. And especially if they aren’t examples of who I would like my highest self to exemplify, their words should have no resounding effect. Remember you are here to be human. Be kind to yourself.
